10 Reasons I'm Not Ready To Date

Hey all!

So, I've been broken up for a little over a year. Now, that's my dating calculator but since my ex was dating someone before that I'm sure he'll say longer. ANYWHO!!!! I called myself trying to date and lets just say I wasn't feeling it. Does that mean I wasn't ready? Could it be I just wasn't meeting the right guy? Who knows, but here are my top 10 reasons why I may not be ready....

1. Case of the Ex.- I still chit chat with him. Is this giving me false hope that we might be together again so I'm not giving anyone else the proper chance. Which I should because I know he's entertaining these hoes. 
2. The Comparison Game- I feel like I have to upgrade from the last so I do a lot of comparison between what the new guy is doing verses what my old guy/s did at a certain point in our relationship. Maybe I should let the new guy be himself instead of comparing him to someone it didn't work with. Right? 
3. Stereotyping Myself- I feel because my major relationships haven't worked it must be something about me? Is it? I'm human and I'm growing and learning and I can say that I've learned thing from each relationship about myself, what I should work on to be a better me, what I do and don't want from another person, and how I wanted to be treated. But lately I kinda been feeling like maybe I'm just an unlovable person because of who I am, my attitude, the way I handle situations, and well because...... I can't keep a man. I know, I know, I should be positive and all that jazz but it's hard to be positive about yourself when you don't feel great about your lonely ass situation.
4. Only if....- "If only" I would have did everything right I wouldn't be here. 9 times out of 10 no matter what I would have done we may not have worked but sometimes I find myself in Lala Land saying "if only I would have done this or that we would've worked out" but you know what? It takes two of us to make OUR relationship work and obviously we both didn't work as a team to make it so, if only I get over it an move on I'd be fine...he did! 
5. The whole JB- After typing 1-4 maybe I'm not fully over my last relationship and how can I date and think I'm ready to be with someone else if I'm not even completely healed from the last. I'm only offering half of myself to the next person and that's not fair to him or myself. 
6. Meet.com- Nothing new, but I hate meeting new people!!! I hate the whole process of getting to know someone. All the dumb questions; what do you like, and where do you like to go, what do you want to be when you grow-up, and and the explanation of why I don't want more kids. UUUHHHH GAWD STFU!!!!! Let's just eat ice cream and chips and bug out on reality TV...SHIT!!!! 
7. Death to the Chivalrous Man- Good lawd is it to much to ask for man that has manners and is a gentlemen? I just get tired of meeting men who can't even open the door for you! After dating a few of the guys that I've met I just give up on men. I had one ask me after I scolded him about not opening my door or walking at a pace that I could keep up with, and knowing which side of the street I should be on, what was I going to do for him at home for him to be a gentlemen to me in the street? WTF?!?!?!? Are you serious sir? *drops mics and exits stage left because I'm done*
8. Effortlessly- Honestly I don't feel like putting in the effort. It sucks being alone and not having someone to talk to and confide in, or to hang with, to be close to, or to feel loved and needed...THAT SHIT SUCKKKKSSSS!!!! But it takes soooo much effort to make a relationship great and IDK if I'm ready to find out if the person I'm putting effort into wants to be great together.  I hate asking the "sooooo" question (so, where are we going? so, what are doing?) because if this fool says something crazy I swear I'm gonna be pissed that I've been wasting my time.  
9. Defining Moment- As much as I miss all the things I mentioned in #8  and imagine how I will meet my future beau I don't want being in a relationship too define who I am. I don't want to think so much about what I'm missing from a relationship that I miss out on what's gong on in my life right now. 
10. I Love You JB- Although I questions whether I want to be or am even ready to be in a relationship one thing I know for sure I love myself way to much to settle for one of these dumb ass ignorant no mannered ass niggas! "I'd rather be the prize you felt you deserved than be the option you felt forced to settle with. I challenge my love to bring more blessings than burdens." 

Now don't get me wrong my ex was a great guy, just not the guy for me and that's ok. Good luck to the next chick...you're gonna need it! LOL. And I would like to eventually meet the man of my dreams but I think I'd rather wait until I'm completely ready. I don't want to date out of desperation or loneliness, which is so easy to do when you're feeling like a lonely hag. I just pray nightly that God gives me strength to be able to release the people that don't belong in my life and open my heart to the right person when the time comes, and to have patience. My time will come and it won't be because I forced it, it will be because I patiently waited for the perfect gentlemen who wants to treat me like I deserve and excepts me for exactly who I am- a man who wants to love me wholeheartedly because I'm deserving that!

XOXOXO

JB 

Fight Night

Oh my! Where do I begin on this one?! I just got finished watching one of the many teen fight YouTube/ Worrrrrrlllllddd Star videos and I just wonder to myself where has the respect gone for ourselves? Why do these young people feel like EVERYTHING needs to be recorded and promoted? Don't get me wrong I obviously partake in the viewing of these videos....more out of curiosity of watching the person running their mouth and slinging threats get their ass beat (you know that's what happens..LOL)   but as I watch poor Sharkisha and Lil Damo get their ass beat on tape I can't help but wonder what made their dumb ass think this was a great idea?!?!? I mean did they plan this out the night before to become "hood famous"? Did they think they would be the beatie instead of the beater? How much influence did their friends have on hyping up the situation? AND where in Sam's name is their parents? Or any adult for that matter?

As a mother I'm going to just speak on that first. I feel like I am very protective over my kids and especially my son. This is the age where he can be easily influenced by his peers and boys can be welllll....dumb. He's extremely book smart but lacks common sense....his plans are quit interesting but his execution is by far the dumbest and honestly I never would have thought to do some of the things he does when I was his age.  He has a little cell phone...nothing fancy because I personally think he's to young for iPhone's and android phones. I feel those type of phones give him way more access to the outside world then he needs at 11 yrs old with Facebook, skype, Instagram, and other social media. But it leaves me in a catch 22 situation because am I then sheltering him from the new age of how kids are growing up? Or am I protecting him from this viscous world? To much access to the adult world is dangerous and I don't care how much monitoring of these account you do people are still crazy and still have access to your child (once again just my opinion). In feeling this why I think parents who have given their child this type of access encourages their preteen/teen stupidity then allowing them to have baby twerk contest, taking nudes, and making fight videos which is now spread across the worldwide web and for all to see and will continue to be out there for the rest of their lives. And although his phone isn't fancy and he doesn't have FB or IG I still look at his call log and read his text because I want to make sure he's not doing anything crazy. I wonder if these kids parents looked into their children's phone more often would they still be asking for or sending nudes and making outrageous videos?   If their parents were more involved would they even feel the need to do it in the first place? If the parents were more involved would the child feel more of a need to protect or stand up for what's going on then to turn a blind eye or record it for the world to see? But then again realistically kids are going to be kids and when there's a will there's a way. I know that all the blame does not land on the parents and as a parent you do your best to raise your child with dignity and respect not only for themselves but for other people  and at some point  you have to let them go and hope they continue living their lives with the values you instilled in them.


Now off my mommy soap box!!

The video I watched had teenage girls but I've seen plenty with boys as well. One of my closest friends recently wrote a blog on self respect that was absolutely amazing!  After reading it I defiantly looked at myself and wondered if I loved and appreciated myself as God does!! There is such an unrealistic expectation in the world of what beauty and love is and because of this it can cause you to have a false value of yourself. Do these young children experience this? I mean I assume they do because I do at thirty-something.  Loving and respecting yourself can be a daunting tasking when there are so many things in the world that can make you feel otherwise, make you feel undeserving. I would hope that if they did respect and love themselves more then they wouldn't feel the need to subject themselves to this and feeling the need to fight over a boy or girl, shaking their butt and flashing their boobies wouldn't be necessary. When you disrespect yourself your opening the doors for others to disrespect you as well...why would you want that? As I watch every video I wounder if they know how they look to other people...do they even care? I mean I guess sometime the next person does needs their ass tapped but more cases than not fighting is not the answer! In the grand scheme of things there really isn't anything you need to be fighting for unless you are trying to protect yourself.


I'm not 100% sure why all these fights start and have "friends" that encourage them and are willing to record but I sure hope that one day sooner than later these young people (and some older ones) realize that self respecting people do not act this way; flashing your body, bulling and fighting people are just not the way to get your point across or to be seen in this world. That people are laughing at you and not with you and they are judging you (not that it's hard for people to judge you!) and bringing this type of negative attention to yourself is not the way to begin your life. Be humble, love yourself and the ones who love you, learn from your mistakes and don't let anyone's negative opinion of you change the person you are meant to be and don't sweat the small stuff or people...they're down there for a reason!


Until next time!
J.

16 and Pregnant....but not really..

So I've been into the Mtv show 16 and Pregnant since season one and every episode I watch and I wonder to myself....if this show was out when I was younger would I have taken heave to the message? Although I was not 16 when I had my son I was still very young...I was more like 19 and Pregnant and I was extremely scared to have a baby!!!! I think I was more scared of becoming a statistic...a teen girl with a baby with no job or education.
Where I lived you often seen children pushing baby strollers like it was cute, I so didn't want to be that. I had "plans" for my life! I wanted to go to college and be some type of teacher...meet a man, get married around 30-something, a house with a picket fence and 2.5 kids, you know the American (damn near unrealistic) Dream!
I had to come to grips with my decision ....my carelessness. I had no idea what I was in for being a young mother!! I truly believe the show shows a realistic depiction of being a child mother. As I watch the show although each girl is different they all seem to experience the same exact thing...the same exact things I experienced!
They all seem to realize

• very quickly they have to grow up even though dad continues to be a child.
• that hanging with your childless friends becomes a little nonexistent.
• that trying to continue your education is way harder than you ever thought.
• that pampers, milk and childcare are ridiculously high.
• and that people are way more judgmental than supportive.

Being a teen mom is extremely hard physically, mentally, and emotionally and most of the time you don't really think of it you just do what needs to be done but looking back I wish I knew then what I know now...things would definitely be different. I always wonder how different my life would be if I would have actually did what I was supposed to have done and how different would my life experiences be and honestly I couldn't begin to tell you and that's probably because that wasn't how my life was supposed to be. God had this life planned for me and although it gets hard the things that I have experienced have made me into this awesomely great person I am today and I don't think I'd want it any other way!
I pray that God gives these young girls strength and direction because they will definitely need it. I hope that life for them gets easier and the sweet little babies don't have to suffer for their mistakes. I wish them well!

Here's a few pics of us growing up....

 

 Until next time,
J.

Mommy Madness

So I write this post to you as I'm in madness mode! Am I the only mother who finds herself here? When you're hiding out in your room, in the dark trying not to lose that last bit of sanity that you managed to hold on to allllllll day? If you've never reached this special place then you're either lying or you have a nanny...if you are either of these people please exit my page immediately!!!!!

So I'm in the kitchen and I happen to see clumps of hair in the trash and of course I think to myself  "WTF is this?!?!?!". As I take a closer look I realize it's the dog's hair!!!!! Why are clumps of hair in the trash you ask? IDK? because I asked myself the same question....after thinking it over for 2.5 seconds I think to ask the only other person in the house....my son. I calmly walk to his room and ask him "Why is Chaz's hair in the trash?" he says "HUH?!?!" you know the usual noise made when you need to think of a quick cleaver lie on a whim....I abruptly say "YOU HEARD ME!!!" and to that he replies "OH, that? Well I was petting Chaz and my finger wouldn't run though his fur so I just cut out all the knots....." *sigh* The only thing I could say is "why would you do that?!?!?"  I was just totally confused by this whole incident!!! So I asked him if he tried to brush him first and of course he said no. The only thing I could do was walk into my room and close the door.

       
Poor Chaz is hiding in his crate and the kids wonder why he hangs with me instead of them....SMH.

Well until next time!

J.

Dead Beat Blues

                                      

I bow to the women in the world that have a child or children that do not have to experience the Dead Beat Blues!!!!!! It must be a wonderful feeling to have a partnership with the other half with the overall being “We will take care of OUR child”.

Now, I don’t know many mothers who haven’t or don’t experience this Dead Beat Blues I speak of. I could probably count on one hand of ALLLLLLLLLL the single mothers I know that may not experience this type of Blues. You all know who I’m talking about!!!! These dead beat fathers who don’t take care of their children.

Now, I think there are two types that could fall under this Blues. Type A: The father that does absolutely nothing for their child. Doesn’t call, doesn’t see them, seems to have no concern for them what so ever. And Type B: The father who halfass it because in their tiny little brains they are actually doing you a favor by taking care of their kids because they know you also have a Type A and should be grateful that he does anything at all. Let’s call this the Comparison Game.

Lucky for me, having two children  I experience dumb ass A and B J.

Let’s talk about Type A first, as we are all well familiar with this type of “father”.

The Type A father you probably met at a young age, maybe as a teenager. This is probably the relationship you regret the most because you dealt with more BS than any human should have to because you thought you loved him. He was the one your parents warned you about but you just couldn’t resist his charming stupidity. He may have hit you with the famous “ITS NOT MINE!!!” after you told him. But once he came back to reality on that dumb ass comment he may or may not have been there for you throughout your pregnancy and more than likely once the little one arrived your relationship started to crumble because you grew up and he continued to act like a child.

Some years have passed and 9 time out of 10 things haven’t changed. You’re an adult and he’s still a child oblivious to all the hard work you put into raising your child alone. He more than likely rarely sees the child much less provides for him and seems to be fine with that although he was a victim himself of being  a fatherless child. I assume he plans to keep the cycle going. Since his father did absolutely nothing for him he feels anything he does for his child is more than what his daddy did for him, so the child and mother should be grateful! So at that point you’ve more than likely taken him down for child support or said F it and have moved on without his help.

Type A father has become comfy living a childless life, not paying child support, seeing the child only a few times a year, not calling, or including the child in his life. Type A father doesn’t know what school his child goes to or what type of grades he makes, who his friends are in school or around the neighborhood. He’s not aware of any afterschool activities the child may be in much less offers to put him in any. I’m sure Type A father has made you his skate goat by blaming his non involvement on you…the mother and provider. He probably swears to others that you keep him from his child and you’re so mean and crazy to him that he can’t talk to you, so he just rather not see his child. And if he’s anything like my Type A loser he has other children that he doesn’t take care of and he has a girlfriend that has a child who he feels he should fully physically and finically support without question…mind you she had a Type A herself. Just a sad situation for the child, to see them so disappointed by the man who should be there first hero!

Let’s move on to Type B, if you’re as lucky as me you have this type as well.

Where do I start with Type B?!?!?! This story should be a little shorter J . You probably met this type a little later in your life, felt like this was a real relationship with real love and all that jazz. You assumed that the both of you would marry and have beautiful children together…..WRONG!!! Sike your mind! Your relationship with this type will soon break apart as well because what you thought was a man ready for a real relationship, marriage, and children is really just a teenager wanting to live a single life (where Type A was a child, you’ve at lease moved up to adolescence with Type B).

Your probably on your last limb with this relationship and during a make-up session you became pregnant. I mean shit happens right?!?!? The both of you try to work it out and stay together…more than likely for this lovely bundle on the way (which NEVER works BTW). You’re probably just going through the motions in this miserable relationship and nine months later we’re graced with a beautiful baby. Of course he acts like he’s gonna be the best father since Lawrence Butler but that’s an epic fail! Now because Type B kinda does what a father is supposed to do, this would obviously make him Father of the Year.

A few years have passed and he probably gets the child on a regular basis and has become a “I do what I can, when I can” type of father and because he plays the Comparison Game you should be appreciative. Oh, and if you weren’t aware by now anything he does for his child is a favor to you. Did I also mention that this type of father also works off of pure emotion like a bitch  (excuse my French). He’s only allowed to do what he wants, because if you suggest what he should or could do that automatically means he’s a bad father even though all you said was “you can use hair ties instead of rubber bands.” Communication in this relationship is at an all time low because he so emotional you can’t ever say anything to him in fear that he may be offended and his emotions will take him into a whirlwind of a bitch fest that you choose to avoid at any cost! Dealing with this type is like a Catch22, and due to this emotion he tries to make your life a living hell because he’s a miserable breathing piece of life….I see no light at the end of this tunnel. THE END.

So needless to say please be careful who you decide to have a baby with!!!!!!!!!!!! You will be stuck with that person for the rest of your life, unless of course they do you the pleasure of jumping off a cliff and killing them self! But I doubt that would happen :/. Never expect these types of father to take too much responsibility for any of their actions because they never will. Be blessed and glad you got away from them before they started to corrupt your child with their stupidity  and ridiculousness. For my single mommies have faith and stay strong as being a single mother of these types of “relationships” will be grueling and challenging!!!! Be the bigger person, and always do what’s best for you and your child/ren, they are the ones who will appreciate and respect you later down the line and will have an undying love for you that will never be taken away! #TEAMMOMMY

CUTIE PIE

Ok, because I'm a lover of all things cute I couldn't resist posting these cute pictures. When I'm down I always Google "cute pets".....and well this what I get:

He seems to be embaressed.

I almost thought this was Jorden.



Looks Like they're running from trouble

 

My New Fav...

While perusing the world wide web I came across two websites that sparked my taste buds yesterday. While reading Bakingdom she mentioned something about this other great site with delicious recipes that included awesome breakfast. Well all who know me...next to snacks, breakfast is my favorite meal!!!!

Anything with syrupy goodness always makes for a great day or pick me up! My girls and I use to indulge in this often as a way to catch up on our gossip we may have missed on our daily email, vent, or just to laugh and enjoy one another company. It was a time we could enjoy yummy goodness while escaping from our worlds....whatever that may have been.

So, anywho I quickly went to the site Two Peas and Their Pod and started searching all the breakfast recipes :). I was pleasantly surprised that I had all the ingredients to one of the pancake recipes that caught my eye!!!! Cinnamon Streusel Pancakes....OMG just saying/typing it makes me want to eat a short stack of them right now!!!! DJM!!! I experimented with box pancakes...but these were real homemade, from scratch pancakes!!! Let me just say these damn pancakes were....good....as....hell!!!!!! These will be my new Sunday breakfast! Until I try something new..thinking about German Pancakes with berries. They say a way to a mans heart is food.....so I'm trying to learn all I can. ;)



First I whipped up the Streusel.



Then the pancake batter.

 

A yummy creation in the making!





The tasty result!



 

Maybe I'll explore more then cupcakes, seeing as though I really don't even eat them. I'll start making food that I do eat...which is really almost anything as long as it doesn't have onions or stink! Since I'm a single bitty my house is cleaner then ever and I have this want to try new things. Right now "new things" include food, drinks, clothes, shoes, places, and people. Maybe it's part of my late 20's crisis I'm going through....IDK, but  I'm going to try to enjoy it as much as I can. I'm learning that people can only take from you what you allow and I don't plan on allowing anyone to take anymore happiness from me anytime soon!