Random Thought.....



So, for some reason I replied back to text from someone I told a while ago to leave me the hell alone. Lets back track a little....this was someone I use to deal with, I wanted to go in one direction with this "relationship" and he wanted to go in another. That's perfectly fine with me! He then suggested we be friends.....he's the reason why a lot people believe men and woman CAN NOT BE FRIENDS. To me he continued to cross barriers and not respect the type of relationship I wanted....which was friendship. For the record I do believe men and woman can be friends.
Now I chose not to continue this one sided "friendship" I felt we had. I tried my damndist to get this person to leave me alone!!!! When I said it nicely that really meant....please ignore every word I'm saying and keep contacting me! I tried ignoring this person....nope that didn't work. I tried being an evil bitch (which I'm told I do well J )....that didn't even work. I think that was like spreading honey over myself because he texted even more when I was a total b-ioch. Why? I'll never know.
Well I thought I finally got rid of him...so I thought because just when I thought the coast was clear guess who starts texting again?!?!?! YUP, you got it..."him". And I think to myself "what isn't this nigga understanding?" At this point he seems to be becoming a little weird...making comments about all my FB profile pics...mind you we weren't friends on FB. Making stupid comments to start a conversation. I mean like WTF is wrong with this man? Can't you see I'm not interested in you!
Within the last week or so he's sent random text, which I made very clear that I was NOT interested in communicating with him! (But as I said before he totally ignores that, like it's a joke) Now what I don't understand is if someone is being rude or sarcastic to you and keeps telling you to leave them alone, why get offend? Why feel the need to continue to contact that them if you feel like this person treats you so crappy? I mean isn't it like you're asking to be treated that way if you continue to reach out to this person. Right? He then always feels the need to point how mean I am to him and makes up stupid names that would equate to being a mean person....LOL. SMH!! I then get thrown these comments that I found totally hilarious!!!!! "You can't say I didn't try", "Your prickly behavior is actually telling me I made the right choice", and my favorite "I'm just trying to bring some reality to your dark prospective" LMAO I mean really tho?!?!?!?!? So guess he was really doing me a favor by continuing to talk to me. SIKE!
If he left me alone as I requested MONTHS ago, would he really feel this way? During our "relationship" he was giving multiple chances to do right and make an effort and he chose to do otherwise so I drop dat ass! And why do men always want to "try" after it's too late? When you had the chance to try you wanted to be doing your own thing...being a selfish man but wanting everything in return! Why does it seem like men feel like you should be grateful that they're trying to make amends for what they’ve done wrong after it's too late? Why is it that you have to leave, ignore them, and move on before they want to "try"? That baffles me to no end? Does anyone have an answer that? Does a man have an answer to that?
Now, I'm no relationship expert or anything (obviously because I'm single) but, men if a woman is telling you what she needs to be happy and you do otherwise then please expect a harsh reaction from that. Especially if the woman is telling you what she wants and you say you're going to do it and you don't...that kinda makes you a liar. She may just curse you out, leave you, break your stuff up, kick you out of the house....whatever. I don’t know? But please stop expecting so many chances to get your shit together and don't be upset if after a million "tries" your simple ass doesn't get another attempt to make it right!
Just my random thought….

Her Struggle

So it’s been a minute since I’ve written anything. I’ve been wrapped up in not having a life and all. You know how that can go..lol.

I’ve been a little down lately….or should I say for a while. I’m not fully sure of why though.  Maybe it’s a late 20’s crisis???? I mean I’m 29…. not even close to having a husband/family type of deal, I’m boarder line poor (if you live pay check to pay check…yes you’re boarder line poor as well), I’ve been in the processes of “buying” a house for over a year now, and well the daily struggles of normal life (I think my life is normal :/) has started to wear heavy on me.

I have started to wonder often if I’m doomed to live an in loveless life and be alone. I’ve been in the most complicated relationships known to man….none which have obviously worked, thank goodness. Or is it, that I haven’t found the “one” for me? I don’t know, but I wish a sign would come from the heavens above so that I know which reason I fall under. This entire UNKNOWN is killing a light skinned sista!!!!  I’ve been alone before and have done quite well! Not so sure if that’s my worry…more not being able to have a successful relationship that will lead to husband and family. Those of us in or that has been in a relationship should fully understand this concern as it takes SOOO much work to make it successful. If you’re missing one of the major keys in this success then it’s failed before you even start! Being truthfully honest I need to work on one of my keys!!!!

I’m semi satisfied in my career and make ok money. I mean I can live a happy life if need be, but I know this not what my ultimate plan is! What is my plan you ask…uuuhhh I don’t know just yet but when I found out I’ll be sure to let you know!!!! J Although currently I am boarder line poor, I know that can be adjusted with a little fine tooth finical planning. Weight could also be lifted if the two men that help me conceive these two beautiful children helped out finically. Common sense would tell you that if it cost money to take care of yourself, then it also cost money to take care of children! Unless I missed the memo when leaving the hospital that said “TAKING CARE OF THIS CHILD WILL BE FREE UNTIL THEY ARE 18”, I doubt that I did though. I just need to get my hustle together and off the ground so I can make some extra $$$$$’s. So stop asking for free cupcakes and offer to buy them!!!! LOL    Don’t even get me started on wanting to buy a house!

I guess you through money and relationships into trying to live day-by-day you could have a crisis at any age….LOL!!! I think as a single mother you get so use to living a daily routine to keep things less chaotic, you lose track of the things you need to keep you sane  and those daily life things begin to wear down on you because that’s all you think about, it’s what you breath, hell…it’s what you dream about. From the time you wake up to the time you go to bed you’re trying to remember every… little… thing that needs to be done for you, for the kids, for the house, for the dog, for people that may have asked you for something. “Me Time” then become nonexistent, alone with your boo has now become an early bed time for you, hanging out with your friends has become sitting at home on a Friday night with PJ’s on at 7:30 dosing off to last week’s repeat of Say Yes To The Dress. You then began to wonder…WHAT IN THE HELL HAPAPEN TO MY LIFE?!?!?!?!?!?!? Before you know it you’ve become resentful and angry toward people for reasons that aren’t clear. All because in your “daily struggle” you lost track of yourself, and even though your daily responsibilities are important so is your health and you sanity. I think we fail to realize how easy it is to become a victim of our daily routine.

So as I end this I’m going to have to remind myself daily:

·         That things will come to me in due time, there’s no need to rush them.

·         No matter what I feel is important to me at that moment, I have to remember that I’m just as important!!!!

·         Everything isn’t meant for everybody, and the grass may not always be greener on the other side.

·         Never forget my goals!

·         And without God, my family and friends, and a little sip of Malibu I will overcome all of my worries, struggles, trials and tribulations.