10 Reasons I'm Not Ready To Date

Hey all!

So, I've been broken up for a little over a year. Now, that's my dating calculator but since my ex was dating someone before that I'm sure he'll say longer. ANYWHO!!!! I called myself trying to date and lets just say I wasn't feeling it. Does that mean I wasn't ready? Could it be I just wasn't meeting the right guy? Who knows, but here are my top 10 reasons why I may not be ready....

1. Case of the Ex.- I still chit chat with him. Is this giving me false hope that we might be together again so I'm not giving anyone else the proper chance. Which I should because I know he's entertaining these hoes. 
2. The Comparison Game- I feel like I have to upgrade from the last so I do a lot of comparison between what the new guy is doing verses what my old guy/s did at a certain point in our relationship. Maybe I should let the new guy be himself instead of comparing him to someone it didn't work with. Right? 
3. Stereotyping Myself- I feel because my major relationships haven't worked it must be something about me? Is it? I'm human and I'm growing and learning and I can say that I've learned thing from each relationship about myself, what I should work on to be a better me, what I do and don't want from another person, and how I wanted to be treated. But lately I kinda been feeling like maybe I'm just an unlovable person because of who I am, my attitude, the way I handle situations, and well because...... I can't keep a man. I know, I know, I should be positive and all that jazz but it's hard to be positive about yourself when you don't feel great about your lonely ass situation.
4. Only if....- "If only" I would have did everything right I wouldn't be here. 9 times out of 10 no matter what I would have done we may not have worked but sometimes I find myself in Lala Land saying "if only I would have done this or that we would've worked out" but you know what? It takes two of us to make OUR relationship work and obviously we both didn't work as a team to make it so, if only I get over it an move on I'd be fine...he did! 
5. The whole JB- After typing 1-4 maybe I'm not fully over my last relationship and how can I date and think I'm ready to be with someone else if I'm not even completely healed from the last. I'm only offering half of myself to the next person and that's not fair to him or myself. 
6. Meet.com- Nothing new, but I hate meeting new people!!! I hate the whole process of getting to know someone. All the dumb questions; what do you like, and where do you like to go, what do you want to be when you grow-up, and and the explanation of why I don't want more kids. UUUHHHH GAWD STFU!!!!! Let's just eat ice cream and chips and bug out on reality TV...SHIT!!!! 
7. Death to the Chivalrous Man- Good lawd is it to much to ask for man that has manners and is a gentlemen? I just get tired of meeting men who can't even open the door for you! After dating a few of the guys that I've met I just give up on men. I had one ask me after I scolded him about not opening my door or walking at a pace that I could keep up with, and knowing which side of the street I should be on, what was I going to do for him at home for him to be a gentlemen to me in the street? WTF?!?!?!? Are you serious sir? *drops mics and exits stage left because I'm done*
8. Effortlessly- Honestly I don't feel like putting in the effort. It sucks being alone and not having someone to talk to and confide in, or to hang with, to be close to, or to feel loved and needed...THAT SHIT SUCKKKKSSSS!!!! But it takes soooo much effort to make a relationship great and IDK if I'm ready to find out if the person I'm putting effort into wants to be great together.  I hate asking the "sooooo" question (so, where are we going? so, what are doing?) because if this fool says something crazy I swear I'm gonna be pissed that I've been wasting my time.  
9. Defining Moment- As much as I miss all the things I mentioned in #8  and imagine how I will meet my future beau I don't want being in a relationship too define who I am. I don't want to think so much about what I'm missing from a relationship that I miss out on what's gong on in my life right now. 
10. I Love You JB- Although I questions whether I want to be or am even ready to be in a relationship one thing I know for sure I love myself way to much to settle for one of these dumb ass ignorant no mannered ass niggas! "I'd rather be the prize you felt you deserved than be the option you felt forced to settle with. I challenge my love to bring more blessings than burdens." 

Now don't get me wrong my ex was a great guy, just not the guy for me and that's ok. Good luck to the next chick...you're gonna need it! LOL. And I would like to eventually meet the man of my dreams but I think I'd rather wait until I'm completely ready. I don't want to date out of desperation or loneliness, which is so easy to do when you're feeling like a lonely hag. I just pray nightly that God gives me strength to be able to release the people that don't belong in my life and open my heart to the right person when the time comes, and to have patience. My time will come and it won't be because I forced it, it will be because I patiently waited for the perfect gentlemen who wants to treat me like I deserve and excepts me for exactly who I am- a man who wants to love me wholeheartedly because I'm deserving that!

XOXOXO

JB