I've been reading stats on FB (Facebook) recently and I always see all the great stats about how great it is to be a mom, how awesome and proud all the moms feels, how much they love their kids, and all the "I wouldn't trade it for the worlds". But I wonder sometimes why no one ever post the bad parts, the make you wanna pull your hair out moments, the I could break your neck times? How come no one ever mentions those time? I often think am I the only mother who feels like that? Don't get me wrong I love my children more than I love myself and will/would do anything for them!!!!! But I must admit all of my "mommy moments" are not awesome, proud, or loveable. Where is the parenting book at? Not the one that tells you how to change a pamper, or make a bottle, or to get eye level when disciplining your little one. I want the one that tells you that it's possible you'll have an absent parent if you choose to grow up and not be with that loser any longer, the one that has a finical calculator ...a realistic one, the one that says you'll have long days and even shorter nights.
Baby:
How come when you’re pregnant not a damn soul tells you the not so good things about parenting? Like labor hurts like HELL, you'll get up every 3-4 hrs to feed, and 20pk of pampers cost $15 bucks every week, and if you don't have a stay at home family member...daycare cost damn near $200 a week, but at 20 yrs old that's half your pay check, and that your non children having friends will move on without you. Why did you just tell me how cute my soon to be baby will be, and encourage me shop for the tiny baby clothes that look so freaken cute but they'll grow out of them in two weeks so you really just wasted your damn money!? Why aren’t people more truthful at the beginning? I mean you hear and know about birth control so you could have prevented it but why don't the people who've had a baby before you tell all the hardship they've endured...would it have prevented us from having a baby to begin with? If 16 and Pregnant were out when I was 19 yrs old, would I have taken heave to their hardships of having a baby so young which in turn can almost make it impossible to return to school, or get a better job, or have a immature father to your child who you expect to grow up as fast as you just had to. I really don't know, maybe it was just in God's plan to be a mom at that time and then I no longer question why no one told me...I just do what needs to be done for me and mine.
Growing up:
So, now that I've realized I need to grow up, stop questioning my "what if's", and make decisions not only for myself but for my little one..they're now toddlers and 6,7,8,9 yr olds (pphheeww where did the time go?!?!?). Your children are now in school and instead of dealing with baby's you're dealing with little wanna be grownups....and from what I see they are little uses..lol. They get real attitudes, they talk back now, they ignore you, they don't follow directions, and they're life is playing with friends outside, going to stay over whoever's house will let them be wild children, and they're favorite quote now is "Can you buy me?". Now, IDK about your kids but my 8yr old son GOES HARD IN DA TRAP!!!!! Sometime all I can say is "Really?!?!?" I swear his head is made of metal, and he's what I would consider selectively death in both ears, and he believes himself to be Encyclopedia Brown's brother...this boy knows everything but what he should, and lips NEVER, EVER, EVA, EVA, EVA stops moving. Ok, so someone really could have prepared me for this age!!! The age where he feels like he's smarter and slicker than I am. Now if I think back I remember trying to pull a few slick moves on my dad....but for the most part I was pretty good. But this boy, SMDH..he's on a whole other level.
I feel like I try to be the best mother I can be since he has a 99.98% father who's absent. I do my best to communicate and talk to him but I often find myself frustrated and yelling, while he’s looking at me with the dick face. Was I like this as a child, if so daddy I truly apologize!!!! Lol. I talk to my girlfriends about it and I wonder if I say certain things how I will be judged as a mother. But they too express concern about their child’s behavior and have different parenting methods, who is right…who’s child is better, are they’re children listening to them? WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!? Do I try their method, do I ignore certain behavior, is this a cry for help? Will I ever figure this out or understand the 8yr old mind? Will we ever have the relationship I hope for us to have? A lot of questions right? Because I often ask myself all of this as a single mother of two. Soon he’ll be a pre-teen and then a teenager and I almost dread what we’ll go through then. Looking forward to great times :/
Future:
I think it’s funny as mother’s we deal with things and move on because we have to be so strong physically and mentally to provide in this world for our families. Things that happen to us as mother’s often go unspoken…you may tell a close friend or family member but besides that it’s hush-hush. Is this because we’re embarrassed of what other people will think…the judgment we’ll receive? The side-eye look, as if “mmm you don’t know what you’re doing”? Do we ever wonder that if we share our stories and frustrations we could be helping the next mother who feels she’s about to lose her mind thinking no one else is going though the same things as herself? I almost like to hear other people’s kid drama because it’s let me know I’m not alone and that my children are not the only hard headed ass children out here, and that I’m not the only one losing my top sometimes. Is that wrong of me? LOL. I know that because there is no “Mommy Handbook” all of this is trial and error and our children are the guinea pigs. None of us are perfect and we will make mistake, stumble along the way, my friends advise that’s given will not always used, and no one’s method of parenting is better than the next.
As a modern mom my fear of making a mistake that will reunion my children’s life always lingers in the back of mind, hoping I’m not alone in the mother hood journey is what gets me though my days and weeks. Some days are really hard doing this alone and I want to have a mental break down, and that’s when I think “why didn’t anyone tell me there’d be days like this?!?!?”. I respect and appreciate all of my friends and family who’ve helped me along this journey and hope that although they may not agree with what I do with my children, that they respect my decisions as I respect theirs. I pray and have faith both of my kids will grow up to better and stronger then myself and they’ll be that way because of me!!! Because of my faith, allllllll of my prayers, my commitment to them as a mother, my courage, my mistakes and mishaps, my struggles, and my tears and smiles. We will make it through the baby months, the terrible two’s, the pre-teen, and teenage years if we all stick together and provide mommy support and then maybe we’ll never have to ask that infamous question “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” .
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